Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You (tallguy) wrote,
Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You
tallguy

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It's good to have friends

Kat and I just spent several hours together shopping and chatting. We were bopping from one store to another. She spent a great deal of time talking about J, and how much she loves him and how much he cares for her.

Thank God, my prayers have been answered.

After all of the pain I caused her, and all of the anxiety I caused myself, I've realized that all I wanted, all I've ever wanted, is to take care of Kat, to protect her and to make her happy.
I know that as much as I may have tried to do the first two (often being overbearing and abusive in the process), I never really did make her truly happy. Caring for her may have been satisfying to my ego, and in a twisted way, I thought I was doing the right thing, but Kat paid a terrible cost. It will take me a long, long time to make peace with some of what I did, if ever.

But thankfully, that is all behind us now.

I am thrilled beyond words that Kat and J have found each other. Throughout the divorce and annulment, through the good times and not-so-good times, I have prayed that God watch over Kat, send His guardian angels to protect her, and let her find someone to love her and take care of her, since I couldn't.

Dang, He's good!

Anyway, we spent the better part of four hours hanging out. After everything that has happened, I am glad that we are still friends. Naturally, we're not as close as we once were, and I'm no longer the main man in her life. But you know, that's OK. She is making a new life with J, and I'm learning to bow out gracefully (or clumsily, as the case may be).

I'll never be J, and I never have and never will make her feel as loved and secure as he does, but then again, he'll never be me. We can still talk about things, still laugh at old memories that only she and I can share, and have a unique relationship. It took me almost two years to reach this point, but all I want now is to just be her friend.

It's "When Harry Met Sally" in reverse.

(See, sandybright? It can be done. Don't give up hope.)
Tags: friendship, kat
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