Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You (tallguy) wrote,
Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You
tallguy

  • Mood:

Drifting

I've noticed a disturbing habit of late. I've starting hanging around my office after my normal working hours. I don't really do anything work-related (although I do take care of some piddling little tasks which would normally wait until tomorrow). I just surf the Net aimlessly, not really wanting to go home, or go anywhere. I've got a lot of personal paperwork I need to work on, I need to start getting the house ready for sale, and all I want to do is go hide in my room, burrow under the covers, and sleep for about 12 hours. That ain't gonna happen. I won't even be able to sleep in while I'm on vacation, since I'll either be driving to NJ, driving from NJ, or crashing at my mom's house.

I'm sort of not looking forward to going back East. Sure, I'm looking forward to seeing my family, and I'm hoping to look up some old friends while I'm out there, but somewhere between September and now, it's changed from something I want to do to something I feel like I have to do. It's a trip made out of obligation. I'm going to my 20-year high school reunion, and as much as I'm trying to get in the mood, I just can't. I'm even thinking of skipping it entirely, and save myself the 90 bucks.

There's about six weeks until New Year's Eve. Normally, I would have cause to celebrate: it would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. Now, I'm trying to figure out where I can go to avoid it all. I really don't want to spend the evening at home, and I'm really not up for going to some lame party at a hotel. I may just schlep down to a riverboat casino and gamble the year away.

I've gone off the diet wagon in a big way. In the past week, I've eaten two boxes of Oreo Double-Stuf cookies, had three milkshakes, eaten just about anything sweet or fattening in my cupboard or in the fridge, and have probably piled back on any weight that I lost during the summer. So much for looking fit and trim at my reunion; I'm back to being Billy Butterball.

I know that God will watch out for me, and that this is just one of the valleys mentioned in scripture and prayer. To be honest, I don't feel particularly close to God right now. I should go to Mass, or pray the Rosary, or do something to acknowledge Him, but I'm just not in the mood. They say confession is good for the soul, but I'm deliberately avoiding it, because I don't want to take the time to examine my conscience. I know I won't like what I find there.

Yeah, I know. I'm being whiny, self-absorbed, and getting all depressed over stupid little things. I should consider the lilies of the field, and focus on what's good in my life. It's kind of hard to do that when all I can see in my future is stinking weeds, barren branches, and piles of dead leaves.
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