Doctor Lazarus


Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...

...into the future

Doctor Lazarus

Just seeing if this account was still active

Every once in a while, I like to see what the progenitor of Facebook is up to. Nothing new to report here that hasn't already been written about elsewhere.
Nothing to see here, you may continue with your business.

Doctor Lazarus

Checking for a pulse

I've pretty much abandoned LJ, but I was recently reminded that I still have an account.
Much to my surprise, I remembered my username and password.

I don't have anything profound to write here, just an offhand post to let everyone (anyone) who is still on LJ that I am still alive.

Maybe I'll write something else in another year. We'll see.
Well, enough fun. Back to work.

Doctor Lazarus

Just keeping this account alive

Apparently, I haven't posted anything on this LJ account in a few years. Everyone who knows me knows I switched to Facebook in 2009 and haven't used LJ at all.
I should probably archive all of my old posts and delete this account, but not tonight.

For anyone who hasn't found me on Facebook, here's what's happened in the past three years:
Fell in love
Traveled to Vegas
My dog died
Traveled to Chicago
Got married
Traveled to Wisconsin
My sister got married
Traveled to Minnesota
Ate too much and got fat

That's about all. Maybe I'll post again in another few months when I have something new to report.

Black Glasses

Response to virginia_fell and raven_moon

I don't post on LJ very often anymore, but I received a few comments today regarding a post I made several months ago. In this post, I was waxing poetic about how things are going so well with Anni, and I also mentioned some times when things were not so great in my life, when I would go out to the bars and try to hit on women. I am not proud of those days, and somewhat ashamed of my behavior.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I did not get anyone drunk for the purpose of taking advantage of them and having sex.

Truth be told, in the vast majority of times I went out drinking, I struck out. I rarely even got a kiss out of the evening, and on the one (ONE!) occasion I brought someone home, it was after we had seen each other a number of times before, and while I don't deny that we had both been drinking, what happend was between two consenting adults who were both sober enough to know what they were doing.

It bothers me that I feel I have to explain my actions, particularly when those days are long behind me now. I am in a loving, monogamous relationship now. Anni knows my past, and knows that it is not a life I ever want to return to.

To virgina_fell and raven_moon: first off, I'm surprised that you commented on this post over four months after I wrote it. Second, anyone who knows me can tell you that I am not the sort of person to take advantage of a woman who is clearly too drunk to think clearly.
Finally, and this is the last thing I will say on this matter, I hope that nothing like that ever happened to you, or ever will.

End of story. Good night.

Blue Man

(no subject)

It's hard to stay up
It's been a long, Long Day
And you got the sandman at the door
But hang on, leave the TV on
And let's do it anyway
It's ok
You can always sleep through work tomorrow, OK?
Hey hey
Tomorrow's just your future yesterday

Doctor Lazarus

For Anni

Before I met you, I was so lonely. I would come home from work to an empty house, the tattered remnants of a disappointing life all around me. I was too apathetic to care, and never noticed how I had let myself and my world fall into disrepair. Why should I care? It wasn't like there was anyone who would notice. Dishes would pile up, the grass would go uncut, and mementos and pictures would get stuffed away because there was no one to share them with.

And then I met you.

Before I met you, I would toss and turn in bed, nobody but the dog to keep me company at night. I would stay up until all hours of the night, doing God knows what. When I dreamed, I couldn't remember them, and when I had nightmares, there was no one there to comfort me when I awoke in a cold sweat, heart pounding. As much as I hated going to bed at night, I would get up in the morning and struggle to get out of bed, because there was nothing in the waking world that I particularly wanted to see.

And then I met you.

Before I met you, I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world, at least not in my 9 to 5 world. I was at a new job where I didn't know anyone, was insecure about my abilities, and was still reeling from the emotional bruising of being fired from my old job. I couldn't help but think that I only got this job out of pity's sake, and I wasn't a valued member of the work force. At the first sign of trouble, it, too, could be snatched away from me, and I would be set adrift in a sea of unemployment and financial worries, and this time those cold waters could drag me under for the last time.

And then I met you.

Before I met you, I would go out to the bars almost every weekend. I wasn't looking for anyone or anything of significance. All I wanted was to spend my money on beer and vodka, check out all the hot young chicks, and buy them drinks and trinkets in a pathetic attempt to get one of them to notice me. I would chat them up, desperately trying to come across as smooth and attractive, and if they were drunk enough, maybe I might get a kind word or a kiss for my efforts. On the extremely rare events that I would bring one home, it was meaningless physical copulation, followed by hours and days of emotional hand-wringing. More often, I would spend all my money and energy in a fruitless attempt to have some sort of human contact, and at the end of the night I would still come home alone. It was a waste of time.

And then I met you.

Before I met you, I wasn't sure if I would ever open myself up to a real relationship again. I had a few aborted attempts, but none of them were really what I wanted. I could never find a person that I would give myself to unconditionally, or whom was willing to give themselves to me in that way. I saw some friends as something more, because I desperately wanted there to be something more. I wanted to love and be loved, and I was practiced at the art of self-deception. I couldn't see past my own needs, and clung to the slimmest threads of the chance for love. When those threads unraveled, I felt worse than if I had never made the effort. I never thought I would find real love again, never thought I would find someone I wanted to spend my days and nights with, never even hoped that I would find myself thinking of a future with them.

And then I met you.

I never thought I would be truly happy in my life.

And then I met you.
Tags: ,

Doctor Lazarus

Zoom zoom!

The long, strange trip of the Insight is over. No more dead batteries, no more parts falling off when I hit a bump, and no more bumper stickers.

I have just come home from buying the next Billmobile, a 2002 Mazda Protege5. Pictures will follow in a few days, but it's a 4 door hatchback, silver with black interior and tinted windows, 83K miles (which isn't too bad for a 7 year old car), and a 2.0 liter 4 cylinder engine.

It's peppy (one review called it sprightly), roomy enough for four adults plus some luggage, and most of all, it's reliable (I hope).

Now I just need to pay for the dang thing.

Flying Underdog

It's been a while, but well worth the wait

WOW! Has it really been six weeks since I posted last? Time flies when you're losing your mind.

I could write a LONG drawn out entry, but I'll just keep it to the highlights.

As you know, I started dating someone in late February. I really didn't write too much about her, because I honestly didn't know which way things were going to go.
Well, I'm happy to say that things are going very well. This past Thursday, we celebrated three months together. A few weeks earlier, in what was probably a much-too-dramatic way, I told her that I loved her, a feeling which, thankfully, she enthusiastically reciprocated.

I would say that we see each other 4 or 5 nights during the week. We'll watch TV (she managed to get me hooked on American Idol this season), go the library, or just sit on the porch and talk. Of course, we do more than just talk; sometimes we go out to the bar and sing karaoke.

Since the love life is doing so well, of course the work life has to be less than stellar.
I've been at this job for four months, and except for my old employer, I don't have any steady clients. I've been studying manuals and doing training exercises since March, and I'm no closer to being assigned a project that I was back then.
I know I've only been at this job a little while, but I really don't see it being a long-term situation. I'm not doing what I was hired for, my database skills are barely being utilized, and the design and project management skills I was cultivating at Worth aren't being considered. I can stay here for a few months, maybe through the end of the year, but I doubt I'll want to be there much longer than that once (if?) the economy and the job market improves.

I'm not going to post anything about my weight-loss program, because it has been nonexistent. I haven't been to the gym since April, and I've been slow to hit the walking trail, since the idea of an evening with Anni is much more appealing. I'm working on it, though. If I can go for a walk once a week, 5-7 miles, that's a good start. See if I can increase the frequency and/or distance by the end of June.

Well, that's all for now. I'll try to post here more often; to be honest, many of my LJ friends are also on FaceBook, so you'll have a good chance of catching me there.

Black Glasses

Well, it could be worse

I just came back from the gym, after two months of inactivity (what can I say, having a new girlfriend takes up a lot of my free time). After a brief workout, I weighed myself.

220 pounds.

OK, that's not too much of a weight gain since the fall, but I still want it GONE!!

I'm making some simple goals:
Goal 1: 215 by May 18, a week before Memorial Day. (5 lbs in 5 weeks, very doable)
Goal 2: 210 by July 3, the start of the Independence Day weekend. (5 lbs in 6 weeks, but now I'm cutting fat and building muscle)
Goal 3: 205 by August 23, day before my birthday. (5 lbs in 7 weeks, and I'll be dropping below my 2008 low weight, so it's gonna be a struggle to break through that plateau)
Goal 4: 200 by October 12, which is Columbus Day. (the final 5 lbs are the toughest)
...and a long-term goal: maintain that weight (within 5 lbs) until next Valentine's Day.

Of course, having a goal is a lot more meaningful if there is some sort of reward:
If I reach Goal 1, I'll buy myself a crucifix or rosary (yes, all you non-Catholics, that really is a treat for me). Price range is around $25.
For Goal 2, I'll treat myself to a new watch, in the $50 range.
Goal 3 means a new DVD player, and I can probably get a nice one for $100.
If I can make Goal 4, losing 20 pounds in 6 months, I'm buying a new smartphone. That's about the time I would be eligible for an upgrade or ready to change carriers, so I'll give myself a budger of $250.
...and if I can literally bust my ass and keep the weight off for 4 additional months, I'm going to VEGAS, baby!

It's reasonable, it's sensible, and new toys and vacations as a carrot are a lot more motivating than a stick.

Doctor Lazarus

(no subject)

I would like to wish everyone a blessed Easter Triduum, in anticipation of Christ's glorious resurrection on Easter Sunday.


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