Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You (tallguy) wrote,
Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You

Days of Journals Past

Kat was cleaning out some boxes, and she came across one of my old hand-written journals from 1992. Actually, it's only from January to July 1992. After that, I started tape-recording them, and of course the tapes are long gone.

The point is that a long time ago, in an apartment far away, I used to be fairly conscientious in my journal-keeping. Granted, some of the entries were three or four lines, and a lot of them were repetitive (went to work, worked out, went clubbing/RHPS, went home), but at least they were there.

I haven't been what you would call verbose or insightful in my past journal entries, and I think I know the reason why. As convenient as it is for me to use this website for my journal, I can only use it when I'm on a computer. That is to say, Monday through Friday during the day while I'm at work, and occasionally in the evening or during the day on weekends while I'm at home. Most of my hand-written entries were done at night, usually just before I went to bed. It was a way for me to capture my thoughts and feelings before I set them aside for a good night's sleep (or a not-so-good night's sleep, as the case may be).

Another thing that my hand-written journal has over this one is that it is private. I know I can post private entries here, but it isn't the same as having a book that you tuck away from the rest of the world. There are certain aspects of my life that I don't want anyone to know about, even my dearest friends and family. It's not that I have anything obscene to report, but it restricts total honesty about my feelings.

Finally, despite spending four years in college learning about computers, and eleven years making a living from them, I don't trust them. Computers crash, websites go down, companies go belly-up, and everything I have recorded here in electronic form could disappear in a puff of electrons. The permanence of a pen-on-paper journal is more work, but is also immune from the random chance of computer failure.

I think I will start keeping a personal journal again. This will not be on the computer, and will be for my eyes only. In ten years, perhaps I'll find it and read it with the len of experience to color my opinion of myself. I will still maintain an on-line journal, but it will be less personal and insightful than the paper one. Actually, it may become more so. If I have an outlet for my deepest darkest secrets, perhaps I will be able to express my feelings more clearly, and become more comfortable in posting some of them for others to view.
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