(entry edited from a chat transcript.)
Did you ever have one of those nights when you feel like your body is going on instinct, and completely disregarding the signals from the brain?
Well, I started out having one of those nights. For some inexplicable reason, I found myself getting dressed to go out to a bar. I have never deliberately gone bar hopping, at least not since I was in my early 20s.
I was staring at myself in the mirror, buttoning my shirt and audibly asking "what the hell am I doing?" I didn't really want to go out, but I just couldn't stand the thought of another night at home alone. I'm tired of being alone. I didn't really want to drink, and I didn't want to spend the money, but I felt like I had to. I felt like I needed to go out and try to hook up, just to feel some sort of companionship, like I need to reassure myself that I'm worthy.
Fortunately, that plan did not happen. Instead, I spent the evening chatting with a friend. I got to talk through a lot of the stuff that had been weighing me down the past day or so, and wound up having a very uplifting conversation about religion, and Mary and the rosary in particular. I am in a much better mood than I started, and I'm very glad I stayed home tonight.
See, I'm as much of a sinner as anyone else, more so in some regards. I just keep thinking that as far as I may fall sometimes, God will always be there to lift me that much higher
It's what I've always believed: God will send you help when you need it, if you will simply listen to Him and His messengers. I think God knew I needed a friend tonight, and He sent one my way. Thanks to her, and thanks be to God.