October 20th, 2007

Doctor Lazarus

Been gone a long time

It's been nearly two months since I've sat down and read my LJ friends page.

Wow.

I've just been so out of it.

I'm still not all here; I've only gone as far back as this afternoon.

It's not like anyone has really noticed I'm gone.

I have a feeling this journal is going to become a lot more angst-ridden. Feel free to ignore me.

I've gotten really tired of just staring at the walls, but I just don't give a damn enough to do anything about it.

There really is sod-all on TV.

I'd better let the dog in and call it a night.
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Doctor Lazarus

(no subject)

There are some nights that I really, REALLY hate being divorced and single.

There's nothing in the world I would prefer right now than to have someone to snuggle up to. I'm not talking sex, not even anything particularly romantic. I just miss having someone to hold.

Let me make it clear: I don't begrudge any of my married/engaged/involved friends any of their happiness. I think there should be more of it. I look at them, or read their emails or journals, and feel a genuine happiness for them.

I know, however, that that sort of happiness will never be mine. I've made certain decisions in my life that by definition preclude any sort of physical relationship of any kind. Still, I do miss the smell of a woman's perfumed hair, the warmth of a soft and tender embrace, and the slight weight of a woman's body in my arms.

Well, even if I know I will never have that feeling again, I can dream. There's no sin in that, I think.