Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You (tallguy) wrote,
Bill, aka the Crazy Clock Guy, aka Hey You

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The King is dead

Will everybody please just shut the fuck up about Elvis Presely? Some overweight, pill-popping has-been dies while taking a shit, and we're still mourning him 25 years later? Give it up folks.

Elvis was a great singer in his day, but his day was over long before he died. He was a terrible actor. I'm willing to bet he got so fat by chewing up the scenery. He was not a great philosopher, he wasn't the voice of a generation, he was not even a decent songwriter. He was a kid from the South who had some talent, got lucky, but pimped himself to whatever his Svengali-like manager "colonel" Parker told him to do. He wound up a caricature of himself, and if he hadn't died on the toilet, he would've been the butt of even more jokes than he already is, probably married to Anna Nicole Smith.

But the bottom line? Elvis is DEAD. D-E-A-D. He is not working in a Burger King in Boise, he is not lving on a desert island with JFK and Amelia Earhart, and he is not reappearing to people in the form of sweat stains on some shoe salesman's shirt. I do not want to see a gaggle of Elvis impersonators on TV, I don't want a retrospecive of his career on Dateline, VH-1, and the Biography Channel, and I don't want cover stories on him. I'm living in Indianapolis, and people were up in arms last year becuase they demolished the arena where he had his last performance. Big Fucking Deal!

I wold love to go to Graceland, pretty much for the same reason I watch COPS. Where else are you going to see so much pathetic white trash, and the trappings that go with it? You could drive a bulldozer through his mansion, take out a few rednecks in the process, and build a Denny's on the rubble, and get my personal thanks for beautifying the neighborhood.

I like SOME of Elvis' songs. "Viva Las Vegas", "Hound Dog", "Jailhouse Rock", and the new version of "A Little Less Conversation" are memorable, catchy songs. If he stopped recording in the late 60s and retained some dignity, I probably wouldn't have such vitriol for the man. As it is, I cannot wait for this week to be over so we can let the man be at peace. Not Elvis, ME!
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