Last night (around 1:30am), Kat sent King Dickhead a somewhat smoldering e-mail. Not quite a full-burn flame, but enough to hopefully get his attention. All we want at this point is to get the van back. Any damages or other stuff will be forgotten. If all goes well (there's that misplaced optimism again), we should have the van back by this weekend, and everyone can go into their corner and lick their real or imagined wounds.
If it doesn't go well, King Dickhead and Queen Cuntbreath (his wife) will try to pull some power play, refusing to give up the van until WE pay SEAN for the work he did for us. In that case, I can either play it above board and try to reason with them (fat chance), get tough and threaten legal action (possible; the thought of Kat's lawyer friend, the same one that went up against King Dickhead during the divorce, taking a bite out of King Dickhead might be enough to make him back down), or get sneaky and take the van back when they're not home (questionable in the eyes of the law, but if we act quickly, they won't have a lag to stand on according to the strict letter of the law).
I will be SO glad when this whole affair is over. Any more of this and I'll be sucking on Camels and slamming a Stoli shot.